Minnesota and Wisconsin Might Share Internet, Cars, Rent
Readers, today I have some astonishing news. I heard about this from a friend of mine named Alli Porfos, who works for the Oripo Falls Times. She was apparently contacted this morning by an anonymous tipster. I for one was stunned when she told me about this, and I just had share with you before major media outlets break the story. The article hasn’t been published yet, but Alli sent me the full text and gave me permission to reprint for you. Thanks a lot, Alli! I’m thrilled you let me be the first to share this shocking story!
Here’s the text of Alli’s article:
Recently, there has been a lot of news about the newly proposed cooperative ventures between Wisconsin and Minnesota. The two states have suggested numerous joint policies and measures to cut down on various expenses. It has been mentioned in many media outlets, including the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
However, it turns out there may be more to this story. A source at the Minnesota State Capital building in St. Paul (who has asked to remain anonymous) has come forward with some more information about potential further cooperation between Minnesota and its neighbor, Wisconsin.
According to the source, in an effort to save even more money in the sagging economy, Minnesota and Wisconsin will begin sharing a wireless internet connection, cars, and maybe even rent.
Apparently the State of Wisconsin has asked if it can “piggyback” on Minnesota’s wireless network which is currently secure and password protested. Wisconsin has promised to pay half of the bill, saying “I’ll totally pay you on the first of each month. I’ll put the money in an envelope, or maybe like put a post-it on it and slip it under your [Minnesota's] door.” Minnesota was reluctant to share it’s password with Wisconsin claiming, “I use that password for, like, everything, man.”
Minnesota agreed to share it’s wireless network on the condition that Wisconsin let Minnesota use it’s car in return. Minnesota will use Wisconsin’s car on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, while Wisconsin will use it on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. The two states would alternate on Fridays, unless one state has a date or something like that, then they could use the car two Fridays in a row. Minnesota and Wisconsin will also carpool with other states whenever possible. Wisconsin argued that Minnesota drives inattentively and often loses control in winter conditions, but Minnesota finally got Wisconsin to agree by saying, “Dude, If you don’t let me use the car, I won’t be able to take Sheila out on dates, and she’ll break up with me. Come on, Wisconsin, I swear on all that is good and pure, I will totally drive safely, pay for all my gas and repairs, pay half of the insurance cost, and if I do more than $500 dollars damage, I’ll give you my ipod touch.”
Apparently Wisconsin has also suggested that it could deduct the money it owes for the internet from the money Minnesota owes and then Minnesota could simply pay Wisconsin the difference, but Minnesota would prefer that each state pay separately to avoid confusion.
The two states are also supposedly discussing the possibility of becoming roommates but cannot agree whether Minnesota should move in with Wisconsin or vice versa. Minnesota has a bigger place, but Wisconsin insists that it’s place is better because “It has a kickass lake view and it doesn’t get quite as drafty and cold in the winter as Minnesota’s place does.” The rent on both places is similar.
The two states are not cutting expenses in all areas however. Both are considering spending a little more money on food, saying, “We are both so damn sick of Ramen Noodles.”
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